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mydreamendedwheniwasborn.althoughineverknewitthen,ijustheldontosomethingthatwouldnevercometopass.dreamsreallydoexist.butinthemorningwhenyouwakeup,theyarerememberedjustasadream.thatiswhathappenedtome.
ialwayshavethedreamtodancelikeabeautifulballerinatwirlingaroundandaroundandhearingpeopleapplaudforme.wheniwasyoung,iwouldtwirlingaroundandaroundinthefieldsofwildflowersthatgrewinmybackyard.forhoursiwoulddanceasifpeoplewerewatchingme.iwoulddancesofastthatiwouldforgetwhereiwas,untiliwouldhearsoundsthatremindedmeofwhereireallywas.ithoughtthatifitwirledfastereverythingwoulddisappearandiwouldwakeupinanewplace.realitywokemeupwheniheardavoicesaying,"idon'tknowwhyyoubothertryingtodance.ballerinasarepretty,slenderlittlegirls.besides,youdon'thavethetalenttoevenbeaballerina."irememberhowthosewordsparalyzedeveryfeelinginmybody.ifeeltothegroundandweptforhours.
welivedinthecountrybyanearbylakeandiwouldsometimesgotheretohide.myparentswereneverhomeanywayandididnotliketobeathomewhereicouldhearthewallstalkingofpain.whentheywerehome,mymotherjustyelledandcriticizedbecausenothingwaseverperfectinherlife.shedreamedofadifferentlifebutendeduplivinginacountryfarawayfromthecitywhereshebelievedherdreamswouldhavecometrue.ienjoyedhangingoutbythewater.iwouldsitthereforhoursandstareatmyreflection.thereiwas,lookednothinglikeaprettyballerinadancer.reflectionsdon'tlie.oncethewaveswouldcome,myreflectionwasgone.washedawayjustlikemydreamtodance.isattherestaringatthewater,hopingthatmyreflectionwouldreappearandbedifferent.
asigrewolder,ibegantorealizethatthereasonmydreamwasevenborninthefirstplace,wasbecauseitwassomethingthatwasinsideofme.thedreamihadwasnevernurturedandcaredfor,soitslowlydied.it'snotthatiwantedittodie,butiallowedittodiethedayistartedlisteningtothewords,"youcan'tdoit."whenifinallywokeupfrommanyyearsofdreaming,irealizedthatyoucan'tsettlefordancinginthewildflowers,youhavetomoveontotheplatform.istillgotothelakesometimesandsitthere.lookingatmyreflectionisdifferentnowtoo.wheniwasyoung,ilookedathowotherssawme,nowthatiamolderandwiser;ilookathowgodseesme.