'
BeforeIknowhim,Ialwaysthoughtthattheworldnoonecanunderstandme,Iamthemostlonely.
Everytimelikeafooltotellothersyourhobby,yourexperience,yourviewsoneverything,justwanttosomeonecanunderstandyourfeelingoftheheart.Canreturnisdoesn'tmatter,noonecareaboutyourfeelings.Nomatteryouarehappy,orsad,orsad,andthelikeweresharpneedles,deeplyhurtmyheart.Heartbroken,finallyandonedaytopreventitbeinghurtagain,youmustlockitup,don'tletanyonecomeintocontactwith,doyouthinkyouarenolongersad...
Whenevernightcomes,however,thinkofmom,stillcan'thelpbutshedtears,butyoucan'tcryinthedaytime,becauseyoucannotletothersseeyourvulnerability.Ihavebeenthinkparents'loveiseternal,nomatterhowthetimeisgone,youhowagain,momwon'tchange,butIwaswrong,wrong.Originally,fromwhichthecartravel,meansthatsheisbecomingmoreandmorefarawayfromme,shedidn'tcomeback,Ilosther,Ipretenddoesn'tmatter,onlyoneselfknow,heartindropofblood,itisverypainful,verypainful,reallyverypainful...
Yacanunderstandmypain,forhim,IknowthatIamlucky,andmymotheratleast14yearsofmemories,buthedoesn'tevenhaveamomentrecallmemories,sometimesreallydonotunderstandtheadults,whyattachedtousthesechildrensuffertogether,weareinnocent,dadalwayssaidshewashereinfrontofmeisbad,howbad,thereisalwaysforcemetocallherback,callmecryingshecameback,Ican'tdothat,can'tdothat,reallycan'tdothat,Iwillnotcry,willnotcrytocallherback,shehatedamoiwillnotcome,Iwouldnotkeep,don'tcomebackwillnevercomeback.Inyoudon'tanswermyphone,thatmoment,Iwillyouitdoesn'tmatter,Ithankyoumybirth,but,whydoyouwanttoletmesoyoutake,myheartaches,ithurts,Iamdoingsomethingwrong,dosomethingwrong,doyouwanttodothistome.However,itdoesn'tmatter,Ilikewhenyouhaveneverappeared.
Heissingleparentfamilies,Ilikehimstrong,alsosaidthatheismorepitiful,hismotherhadlefthim,heisveryoptimistic,atleastinfrontofpeople,hecanpretendtobehappy,don'tknowiswhosaidthatthemosthappylaughter,thatmusthavehurtisthat,everytimedohomeworkintheclassroom,canalwayshearaburstoflaughtercomingfromoutofthewindow,verybigverypresumptuous,butwhoknowinsuchapeoplewholovetolaughhavealonelyheart.
EverytimeIseehisback,aloneinthecorneroftheclassroomtowrite,shuttlebetweendiningroomandtheclassroomalone...
Don'tknow,whenthedeadofnight,hewillalsoweepalone?Butneverlikemesofragile.
Everyoneinthisbigworld,islikelytobelookingforahavethesamewithoneself,experience,snugglinginacorneroftheworld.
WhenI'msad,hewillcomfortme,inhisownpainfulpast,tellmetobestrong,tobeasoptimisticashe.Whenthehelpless,thefirstthoughtishe...
Once,Iaskedstudentsborrowedricecardtwoyuan,aftertheevent,shesaidtome,"heCarrie'smoneymorethanthis,thatdoesn'tmeantosaywithme,Ihavenoexplanation,justsaidItookjusttwoyuan,Iverygrievance,Icriedandranout,Idon'tknowwhattodo,Idon'thavethatmuchmoneyisshe,ittookmeonlytwoyuan,Ithoughtofhim,Irantotheclassroom,Idon'tseehim,aclassmateandIsaidhegotoschoolthesupermarketdownstairs,Irantotheitagain,heisonthepayment,IseehimhehasmorethaneightyCARDSshownonthecounter,Iborrowedfromhim,heimmediatelyborrowed,Ican'twaittorushintotheclassroom.Givethecardtoher,tellher,howmuchhowmuchless,butItookjusttwoyuan,case-doughtearsinhereyeswasnotstartedagain,havewronged,sadalsohavemoved,forastrangerjustknowsoon,healsocanbesobelieve,however,amanwithasemesterof,don'tbelieveyou,it'sironic,ah.
Inthisschool,myfirstbirthday,isalsofulloftears,butnotbecauseofmoving.
Birthdaythedaybefore,mydeskmateisaboyinourclasstoclassnameisaboy,andsaidhehavewordsandIsaid,saythatlikeme,Ialsolikehim,infact,Iandheisjustavillage.Childhoodplaymates,andmurakami'speoplegotoschooltogether,fourorfiveyearsInotcomeback,toseehim,andtalkmore,childhoodmemoriesofher,happy,becauseofignoranceandinnocence,becausepureandsimple,becausesimpleandhappy,butsomethoughtnotpureclassmatesthinkslanting.Idon'tcrybecausesheblather,butthisbetterbedefiledbyher.
Aftertheevent,Irequesttoswapplaces,totheteacherincharge,andtelltheteacherinchargeinthismatter,sitatthesametablealsoapologizedtome,alsoletmeunderstandthetearsforthefirsttimethesentence"sorry"becauseyouwillnotdisappear,Iwillnotbecauseyou'rea"sorry"andhelpedtotearsofcanthus.Disappearistherelationshipbetweenus.
Birthdaythatday,theteachersaidtothetwoclassmatestobuycakesbuyacaketocelebratemybirthday,Idon'twantto,becauseIwasafraidof,haveanyquestionsonthefemaleclassmateinourclassbuttheteacherinsistedon,becausedon'thavemuchmoney,Iwasonlyoutofthetwentydollars.
Toschool,don'tknowifIamtoosensitive,Isawtheclassmatestogether,Idon'tlistento,Ithinktheyhaveopinionsaboutthecake,forIhaveopinions.Iturnedawayandcriedasheran,Irantotheclassroomtocry,actuallyjustsmallvoiceSOB,alsoseesomeonecome,thenIwipethetearscanthus,pretendednottohappen.ButIreallycan'thelp,eyetearsfalldown,Irunawayagain,thistime,Ithoughtof,wantparentstosendmoney,canonlyrememberthemother'stelephone,tocallher,Iholdthephone,Idon'tknowhowlongtelephonedial,justcalledandsaidthemost,justsaytosendmoney.ButwhenIwenttotakemoney,didn'tknowhedidnotsendmoneytocomeover.
Although,Ithinkofasolution,butIstilldon'theartache,Iabsentthelesson,thestudentswenttothemusicclassroom,andIapersoncurledupinthecorneroftheclassroom,weepalone.Thinkforthefirsttime,Iamanohomechild,forthefirsttimefeelthesocietyissoreality.Theclasswasover,Iwanttogowashmyface,andatthecornerofthestairsImetyaagain,everytimethemostmessinmymostsad,isalwaysmethim,Idonotknowisthefate,ortheschoolistoosmall,andatthesametimehealwaysask:whohityou?Asiftohelpmetobeatback,everytimeissoalwayshaveamuchbetter,atleastinthisworldorsomeonetocareaboutwhyIcry...
Wearetwohavethesameexperience,encounterwiththesamehavealotincommon.Hehasaverygood,notsomuchwrong.Sad,wewillcomforteachother,happy,alsocansharetogether,verysimplealsoveryhappy!
初一:凌雪